Learning to dress independently

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Approaching this daily task with some extra patience – along with a few tried and true tips – will help your child achieve this important developmental milestone without having it be a guaranteed source of conflict.

• Give your child some extra hands-on experience. In addition to letting your child try to do the real thing, look for specially designed dolls or fabric books that allow little hands to practice zipping, buttoning, snapping, and tying.
• Pick out clothes ahead of time. If choosing an outfit is a particular source of conflict in the morning, have your child pick out her outfit the night before. This will give you time to discuss options and come to an agreement on clothes for the next day, instead of dealing with it in the morning when you are pressed for time and have little patience.
• Make your child's clothes accessible. Sounds simple, but installing a lower-level clothes bar in the closet, or putting clothes in lower drawers, will help your child be more independent when it comes to getting dressed. Conversely, if you don't want your child wearing a sleeveless dress in the middle of the winter, don't make it easily accessible.
• Lay some simple ground rules. As your child becomes more independent in her efforts to dress herself, try to keep rules to a minimum. Good examples might include not wearing the same socks or underwear two days in a row, or making sure that your child has shoes on before going outside to play.
• Lower your standards. Respect the fact that your child is learning – and yearning – to be independent, which inevitably will include making outfit choices. Your general sense of style may tell you that purple and red do not go together, or that plaid and stripes clash, but let your child make the final decision on this front.
• Acknowledge sensitivities. While some kids will get irritated over a scratchy tag or having to wear socks and then quickly forget about it, you should be aware that there is a subset of children – especially preschool-age – who have what is referred to as ‘tactile hypersensitivity’. If a child refuses to wear underwear, complaining that ‘it doesn't feel right’, it may not be mere defiance – it could also be that the physical sensation of the elastic or fabric is actually very disturbing to her. Hypersensitivity to labels, seams, or socks, while puzzling to many parents, are all very common and often lead to fights. Luckily, most kids grow out of this by age five or six.
• Use tact. This is a good general principle of parenting that definitely applies to getting dressed. Before you point out to your child that her shoes are on the wrong feet, first remember to praise her for putting them on without any help. And think twice about whether it is really important to draw attention to the fact that your son's t-shirt tag is in the front instead of in the back when he puts on his own t-shirt for the first time.
• The bottom line.In a broader sense, how we dress accomplishes two things: it identifies us as part of a group (our place within society) and also it is a statement of our individuality. That's a hard balancing act to learn and one that can certainly take a long time in our complicated society. It's important that parents realise that independent dressing is a learning experience and that they need to allow their children to make choices and mistakes. Don't expect perfection on the first try. Mastering this task should be a continuing source of pride for your child, not one of frustration.

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