Raising Children Network: the Australian parenting website
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Bullying

By Raising Children Network
 
 

Bullying can be frightening, and physically and emotionally damaging for children. One in five Australian students reports repeated bullying. The following will give you some tips on recognising bullying and what you can do about it.

Sad school age girl
 

Bullying is more common than you may think. Half of Australian children say they have been the target of bullying behaviour at least once.

  • Bullying is an issue that needs to be addressed by adults – children can be seriously hurt by bullying and should never be left to work it out on their own. 
  • School, community and parents can work together to deal with bullying – you and your child never have to deal with bullying on your own. 
  • It is important to stop bullying before it becomes persistent or damages a child’s confidence.

How to recognise signs of bullying

There is no single way to tell if a child is being bullied. The way a child will react will depend on the severity of the bullying and the child's individual personality. Apart from obvious physical signs of bullying, the things to look for are changes in your child’s social or emotional behaviour.

Things to look out for include:

  • physical signs such as bruises, cuts and scratches, torn clothes, poor sleeping, bedwetting, frequent requests for money
  • changes related to school, such as not wanting to go to school, staying close to teachers during breaks, difficulty asking or answering questions in class, not taking part in activities, sitting alone, schoolwork and homework deteriorating suddenly
  • emotional clues such as anxiety, nervousness, distress, unhappiness, depression or tears, withdrawal, secretiveness, sudden changes in behaviour, being quick to anger, unhappiness at the end of weekends and holidays
  • other signs such as being teased, taunted, ridiculed, degraded, threatened, dominated, made fun of, or laughed at. Your child might be excluded at lunch and recess, lose contact with classmates after school, or be chosen last for teams and games.

Talking to your child about bullying

One in five children keeps bullying a secret from those around them, so it can be difficult to know for sure if your child is being bullied. Try some of the following conversation starters if you suspect that your child is being bullied.

Keep the conversation relaxed and friendly, and try not to bombard your child with questions, as children are less likely to open up to you if they feel uncomfortable.

Younger children (5-6 years of age)

  • What did you do at school today?
  • Did you do anything you liked? Did you do anything you didn’t like?
  • Who did you play with?
  • What sort of games did you play? Did you enjoy them?
  • Would you have liked to play different games with someone else?
  • Are you looking forward to going to school tomorrow?

Older children (7-8 and up)

  • What did you do at lunchtime today?
  • Is there anyone you would like to invite home?
  • Are there any classes at school you really like?
  • Are there any classes at school you don’t like?
  • Is there anyone at school you don’t like? Why?
  • Are you looking forward to going to school tomorrow?

Read more about talking with your child about school.

Tips for talking about bullying

If your child is being bullied, one of the best ways to help protect her is to talk about it: listen to her, help her understand what is going on, and show that you care and will help.

Here are nine tips that may help:

  1. Listen. Ask your child simple questions then listen to the answers: ‘So what happened next?’ and ‘What did you do then?’
  2. Stay calm. This is an opportunity to show your child how to solve problems. If you feel angry or anxious, wait until you feel calm before you discuss it with her or with others.
  3. Summarise the problem: ‘So you were sitting on your own eating your lunch and Sam came up and took your lunch box and threw it across the playground.’ 
  4. Agree that there is a problem: ‘It sounds like you had a really horrible time at lunch today.’ 
  5. Let her know it’s OK. Help your child to understand that what she feels is normal: ‘No wonder you're feeling so sad about this.’ 
  6. Praise your child: ‘I am really pleased that you have told me about this.’ 
  7. Make it clear to your child that you will help: ‘Things haven’t been so good. Are there some things we could do to make it a bit better?’ 
  8. Talk about why people bully. It can help your child to understand some reasons for bullying: ‘Sometimes people can be hurtful. Why do you think they said those things?’ 
  9. Steer clear of negative comments as these don’t generally help to resolve the issue: ‘Don’t come to me with your complaints – stand up for yourself’ or ‘You poor thing; never mind, you can stay home.’ 

If you are worried about bullying, you can also telephone the Parenting Hotline in your state for confidential support.

 
 
 
  • Last updated17-04-2008
  • Last reviewed17-04-2008
  • References

    Rigby, K. (2002). A meta-evaluation of methods and approaches to reducing bullying in pre-schools and early primary school in Australia. Commonwealth Attorney-General’s Department, Canberra.

    Roberts, W.B. (2000). The bully as victim: Understanding bully behaviors to increase the effectiveness of interventions in the bully-victim dyad. Professional school counseling, 4(2), 148-155.

    Smith, J., Schneider, B., Smith, K. & Ananiadu, K. (2004). The effectiveness of whole-school antibullying programs: A synthesis of evaluation research. School psychology review, 33(4), 547-560.

    Stassen Berger, K.(2007). Update on bullying at school: Science forgotten?, Developmental Review 27,  90–126

    Veenstra, R., Lindenberg, S., Winter, A., Oldehinkel, A., Verhulst, F. and Ormel, J. (2005). Bullying and victimization in elementary schools: A comparison of bullies, victims, bully/victims, and uninvolved preadolescents. Developmental psychology, 41(4), 672-682.